Baby Steps

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whoesoever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have eternal life. - John 3:16.
I find it so funny that most of the memory verses that I memorized from childhood are forever stamped in my brain in the King James Version. The Lord's prayer is the same way for me. However, even though the words of this verse are in words I never use, God is continuing to teach me the meaning of them.
I am so thankful that God slapped us down in Houston. It was such a wake-up call for me. It made me remember the basics of my faith. Do I believe what I believe because all of my friends believe it, or because my parents believe it, or because I believe it? God knew I needed this, as only He does.
I don't want to seem naive and say that God moved our family to Houston for me- so that I can grow, because while I believe with my whole heart that that is a major part of it, I also believe that he placed us here for His glory. My reluctant obediance will hopefully bring Him praise!
That, my friends, is exactly why I am writing this post. God has taught me to trust in Him in ways I thought I already did. He has brought me back to my knees, and is teaching me to believe in Him.
It's interesting to me, that just when your where you don't want to be, you are often right where God wants you to be. I NEVER wanted to move to Houston. I thought God was playing some kind of dirty trick on me for awhile. Like, the whole "I want what's best for you" thing was a joke. But, I am so glad that I am learning that what's best for me isn't location or comfort, but where my heart is with God. God broke my insides a little, so I could trust Him a lot.
Everything on this Earth can be used for us as a blessing from God, but this Earth is not our home. How long is it going to take me to realize that until I am in heaven; trials, uncertainty, and just plain scary stuff will always be in the world? I mean, I married a wonderful husband, but I fight the fear that he won't be with me until my dieing breath almost daily. I have two beautiful daughters that I praise the Lord for, but I fear that they will be taken away from me prematurely often. Unless we REALLY trust in God, fear can encompass our lives, make our blessings into curses, and bring us to paralization in our faith. That's not where I want to be.
So, I am so thankful that God is teaching me again to trust. It is so hard! It is like being a new Christian. When we first moved here, I didn't have much communion with God at all, and I was miserable (now I know how people who don't have the Lord feel--terrible). However, I have re-realized how much I need Him everyday! My first baby step is just getting back on my knees before my All Gracious King, and reading his God breathed words for me.
My second baby step has been examining my own heart, mind and belief system. When I sing praises at church or with the radio, I ask myself is this really what I believe? I think about Jesus dieing on the cross for me and picture it in ways I haven't thought about it for a long time.
My third baby step is baptism. A lot of you know that we started attending a Baptist church in Houston, and emmersion is a big deal! (Don't hate us, our lovely Wesleyan friends!) It is something I had pushed back in the recesses of my mind for a long time. I thought of it as something I would like to do someday because, well, Jesus himself was baptized by John the Baptist, but I wasn't sure when I would let it happen for myself. I was sprinkled as a baby...what more do I need? Not that there's anything wrong with sprinkling babies with holy water, but I had been feeling like I needed to take the plunge and decide to get my whole body dunked all at once...I just didn't have anyone giving me the nudge I needed to do so. So, I kept letting it slip. But, it looks like Houston's First Baptist may be just the nudge I have been needing. (Nothing is scheduled yet, but I get the feeling that it won't be long.)
So, here I am, trying to reestablish the blessing of God in my life, while taking renewed baby steps toward the goal of serving my King. It feels so wierd. I mean, I thought I was already past all this. We are meeting some amazing people, and I just feel like I come across like I don't know Jesus as my savior at all. But, I do. I know I do. I am learning more about Him as I sit in this crazy city, and I desire to soak it all in. I am having to rely on God. And, I am finally getting to the place that makes me grateful for all of it.
Love, Amber